Living a 'New' Life

Here I am in the month of December, with so many things happened before this day. But it is still nothing compared to my friend’s life which turns into really really like a ‘new’ life but the same her; it is like she is living in somebody’s life. Yeah, suddenly when she came back to Malaysia, she started her internship, her status changed from single to in a relationship, suddenly her room was robbed, finding new room, starting to move out and in, and now she is living her life with new surroundings. Complicated, huh?

Well, I have kinda similar feeling with her, living a ‘new’ life. I did not know when it was started. What I knew was that I had a super duper terrible bad mood a few days ago, and this happened once in my entire life. It was the worst bad mood I have ever had. I even did not have any intentions to talk to anyone else, including my best friends. Those who were trying to have contact with me ended up by shutting their mouths up with addition of unpleasant words from me. What I really wanted was exiling myself from them whom I often meet up otherwise I could give a lot more pains to them. And this was not ended in one day but several days. However, I had some things to do which require some contacts with others, and I was struggling here. Unfortunately, this terrible bad mood happened when one of my best friends was in a great depression because she was robbed. I had to pull all myself together to accompany her when she needed me, but on the other hand, I was not ready yet to meet a lot of people. I was really really struggled here... But then, fortunately, I could force myself to get out of my “secluded area” therefore I am feeling much much better now.

I am really really sorry to those who were affected because of my actions, I really did not mean to… And I promise that I would never ever do it anymore, I will try…

After I was able to pull all myself together, however, I still feel a bit weird. I feel like ‘this is not me’ and somehow my mind is split into two parts which makes me cannot concentrate well and I do not know what I am thinking about, I was like blur. And also, I feel that I am not fully 'recovered' yet. Well, I hope nothing serious happens to me so I could control myself and not harm others…

Sorry for bad grammar and vocabs in this post because I’m writing it in sleepy and tired conditions however I feel like writing something...